Alright, here's a colloquial chunk for ya. And it's an advanced one, so make sure you have your seatbelt on: ni que + subjunctive (very often imperfect… sorry!) It's a bit like saying: 👉 it’s not like + imagined comparison (expressed in subjunctive)

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Ahem, it's probably time for some examples…And luckily for you I've been noting down REAL examples from REAL Mexican media for the last year or so: Chumel Torres:Ni que fueran OXXOs, cabrones.
It’s not like they’re OXXOs, guys. Ni que estuviera yo loco.
It's not like I'm crazy! La Cotorrisa:¿Fue? Ni que se hubiera muerto, ¿no?
He WAS? It’s not like he died or anything, did he? Ni que fueras un conejito.
It’s not like you’re some little bunny. Club de Cuervos:Ni que estuviéramos en Rusia.
It’s not like we’re in Russia. La casa de las flores:—¿No prefieres agüita?
—¡Ay, ni que fuera planta!
—Wouldn’t you rather have some water?
—Oh, come on, I’m not a plant! Unknown source:Ni que estuvieran tan ocupados.
It’s not like they’re that busy. Ni que fuera Vito Corleone.
It’s not like he’s Vito Corleone. So yeah, it’s essentially a more colloquial, punchier cousin of no es como si + subjunctive.

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💦 ¡Aguas!Ni que is followed by the dreaded subjunctive. And VERY often, that means the imperfect subjunctive: Ni que fuera rico.
It’s not like he’s rich. Ni que estuvieras loco.
It’s not like you’re crazy. But you WILL also see other forms: Ni que se hubiera casado.
It’s not like he got married or anything.